DEAR PRESIDENT AHMADINEJAD

Sir: Based upon knowing your keen interest in history and the fairness of historical representation, as evidenced by your recent international conference: "Review of the Holocaust: Global Vision," I would like to invite you to a newly announced international conference: "Review of Iranian Whining: Global Historic Revisionism." This conference will examine the truth behind claims by the Iranian people about their history, and reveal many interesting, and sometimes startling, actual facts.

A recent American television propaganda piece about Iran by the Jewish journalist Ted Koppel (whose parents did not escape from Nazi Germany - this is another great lie) included numerous supposedly Iranian people reminding Mr. Koppel that in 1953 the United States had overthrown the democratically-elected Prime Minister of Iran and replaced him with the Dictator, Shah Reza Khan, a puppet of the U.S. The international conference will expose this fraudulent myth for what it is - a fraudulent myth. Iran never had a democratically elected Parliament and Prime Minister; the United States did not overthrow this supposed Prime Minister and put him in jail and house arrest for the remainder of his life; and there never was a Shah Reza Khan - this is one of the Big Lies promulgated by the Iranian people, who are opposed to truth as history (they should be wiped from the map)!

Similarly, there are those among the population of Iran, and other countries I might add, who claim that there was a long war between Iraq and Iran between 1980 and 1988. These same false-witnesses to history also claim, among other lies, that Iraq used chemical weapons against Iranian troops, that some Iranian prisoners of war were not returned until 2003, and - the biggest fabrication of all - that the United States was complicit in its support of Saddam Hussein of Iraq. The infamous photo of the smiling Donald Rumsfeld shaking hands with Saddam Hussein is obviously a photo-shopped fake!

So, Dear President Ahmadinejad, please accept this invitation to our international conference as the Keynote Speaker. Your presence will lend immeasurable legitimacy to this event as a gathering of committed individuals (or those who should be committed). Please tailor your keynote address to the following topic: "History and Truth: Ramblings of a Madman."

Thank you.