ANALYSTS PREDICT STOCK MARKET SURGE FOR END OF WEEK

Numerous market analysts have predicted a week-ending surge in the U.S. stock market, allaying fears that the surge seen building all week in certain European markets would pass over the United States. "We've been seeing signs of this surge building all week" an analyst at the former Bear Stein said. The strongest portion is in the Kosher, organic and free-range sectors of the chicken stock market as members of the Jewish faith prepare for the first night of the Passover holiday on Saturday. Industry spokespersons attribute the stock market increase to the huge pots of chicken soup - with matzo balls, of course - bubbling on stove tops across America. All stock market analysts agree that this surge is good for the economy, good for the soul, and, of course, good for the common cold!