In the spirit of helping people earn extra income during the Trump shut down, I am providing a list of ideas for Donald Trump to raise money for his Wall:
- Have a yard sale on the White House lawn (good luck selling all that gilded junk)
- Baby sit your grandchildren (if your kids trust you to be alone with them)
- Sell autographed copies of Melania's nude modeling photos (she really doesn’t care, do you?)
- Auction a copy of the peepee tape to the highest bidder (your buddy Vlad will burn a copy for you is you say “pretty please, with more sanctions lifted”)
- Use the fund you have set aside to pay off porn stars and models with whom you had affairs (a very significant amount of money)
- Put a dollar in a jar every time you tell a lie (it needs to be a very large jar)
- Require your spokes-people (i.e. Scary Huckleberry Sandbagger, Mercedes Schlappintheface, and Kellyanne Convoy) to put a dollar in a jar everytime they tell a lie (this will need to be a veeeeery large jar)
- Walk the dogs of White House staff (you’ll have to bare-hand the poop-scooping as plastic bags are a no-no)
- Shave your head and use the money you would otherwise spend on truckloads of extra-hold hair spray (you might feel light-headed for a few days)
- You will also have extra cash on-hand from your blonde hair bleaching fund
- Have each of your red ties cut in half and made into two normal length ties (keep in mind that these ties will point at your ample gut, not your hidden junk)
- Build a time machine so you can go back in time and ask your daddy to pay for the Wall (you will need to figure out how he can get rent payments from it)
- Have Chinese workers glue new labels that don’t have the words Ivanka or Trump on them into the warehouses full of shoes left over from Ivanka’s business, and make a deal with Zappos (this is a perfect idea for a real heel who has no soul).
Good luck, Donald; now get out there and do something useful.
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